There really isn’t any other way to say it but breakups are the worst. No matter how the relationship ended, if you were broken up with, or the one who ended the relationship it hurts either way. No one wishes for a broken heart by any means. If you’re like me then you’re probably a biggggg romantic. Everyone wishes to find love and their person, I mean who doesn’t want a happily ever after? But sometimes before we find our person we experience heartbreak from the someone we thought was the “one”. To be fully honest with you, going through a breakup was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. There were days where it felt like my physical heart inside my chest was hurting. But in the midst of that pain was where I hit a pivotal point in my walk with the Lord. In the midst of all that pain I saw how amazing God is and leaned on him so much and experienced his love. I want to share with you what I learned from it, and I am not an expert on breakups by any means but I want to share all that God taught me in the midst of my pain.
A little backstory for you: I had been dating this boy for two and a half years, we met at a youth group in high school, and basically I thought we were getting married. Once we both got to Ole Miss things started to get a little bumpy. We were both growing up and growing in different ways that were not working with one another (which is okay that is completely normal, part of going to college is growing up and maturing). I started to have doubts about the relationship and slowly came to the realization that he was not the man God intended for me to marry. I remember praying in the middle of my doubt, that if he is not the one for me then God can take him from me. And let me tell you God did just that. I wrestled with it the whole fall semester that it was not true and we were meant to be, but when God has a plan he will make it clear. Things were not going well in this relationship at all by the time Christmas break rolled around and God had made it VERY clear that this boy and I needed to go our separate ways. I had to face the facts and end the relationship. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, the only way I did it was by trusting in God and knowing that he has a plan and it’s better than anything I can plan. It was an insane step of faith for me because not only was I losing someone I deeply cared about, but I was also losing an entire future I had planned with this boy.
Although I had been the one who initiated the break up and pulled the plug on the relationship I was still incredibly sad about it. I was confused on why God had wrecked my plans and why that boy wasn’t the one like I had thought he was. I had never experienced such pain in my life, and one thing about me is that I hate being sad. I tried to ignore the pain and stuff my emotions down. I told myself that God’s plan is good and that I needed to be happy and because of that fact I shouldn’t be sad. Which yes of course God’s plan is good and better than we can imagine but that doesn’t mean you can’t cry. Give yourself some grace, your heart is going through a lot right now. This leads me to my first point that it's ok to be sad about a breakup and mourn the loss of it.
Emotions are a gift from God, we can feel all the feels and still trust in him. It’s ok to cry about it. As my nana told me, it's ok to cry and it’s a form of healing, and all the things you are feeling are not bad, they just show that you care and that you have a heart. Sometimes to break through we need to break down. Just let it out and let yourself cry it out, when we're hurting and at low we see so much of God. He truly does meet us in our pain and brokenness and he is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18-19). If you need to cry about it then cry about it, feel everything that you need to but you can’t stay stuck in it. What you don’t want to do is wallow in your sorrows. Recognize what you are feeling, learn what you can from it and move on. Moping and complaining will only make you feel worse, each day from God is a gift so get up and enjoy the day and trust that he is at work and he is with you in the middle of your pain. And remember, if you need to cry about something or talk about how you’re feeling then do it but don’t stay stuck in it.
My second point is to remember to be kind to yourself and the other person. This isn’t easy for either of you, both parties are hurting whether they show it or not. During my breakup it was so easy to talk poorly about the boy I broke up with. But I quickly learned that it only led me to feel worse and just kept him in my mind which held me back from healing and moving on. The same thing goes for someone who was broken up with, it's so easy to talk poorly about your ex but it just holds you back from your breakthrough. Instead of looking at all the negatives, be grateful for the time that you were with that person and know, God closed that door for a reason. And remember that God created them just like he did you and he loves them just as much as he loves you, so be kind and gracious because it will help both parties. You also need to be kind to yourself. And give yourself space from your ex. I am a firm believer in no contact, to heal and grow you need your space and your ex does not need to be in that space. By allowing them into it you are going to miss all that God has for you and just leave yourself stuck in the heartache. Both parties deserve space to heal and grow. During the first few months of my breakup I was frustrated with myself at times for still being a little sad every now and then because I wanted to fully heal from it and move on. But healing a broken heart takes time. You’re dealing with so much heartache and change that you can’t just solve overnight. Looking back on it, if I had just healed right away and moved on I would never have learned what I did from that experience. I would have missed all that God had to teach me in that season about not only him but myself as well. So give yourself a little grace and know that time and Jesus will heal your broken heart.
My last point is that when God closes a door it’s because he has something better in store. When I say this I do not mean it in a prideful way whatsoever. What I am trying to say is that God closes doors for a reason and sometimes we may never know why but we can find peace in knowing that his plan is good and he is constantly working for our good. God closed the door on that relationship for a reason and when God takes away silver he replaces it with gold (thank you again Kitty Hurdle for those wise words). God has the perfect person for you picked out and he also has the perfect person picked out for your ex. You can find so much peace in knowing that he has it all planned out and his plan is good, and that he will bring your person at the right time when you are both ready. You can’t miss what God has for you. So take this time and this heartache and just let God in. Talk to him about how you are feeling because he listens and he cares about you so much. Get into his word and just enjoy him because part of being a Christian is enjoying Jesus and recognizing his goodness. Enjoy the single season and spend it learning more about Jesus and falling more in love with him. Take this time to spend with your friends and really pour into those friendships because after all they are your future bridesmaids and they will have been with you through so much and will continue to do so. Just let go and let God in, he cares about you and your broken heart and wants nothing but for you to thrive. Like I said, I am no expert on breakups. This is simply what I learned from mine and I hope this helps anyone going through heartache.